Night.Cap 2 - No More Excuses?

So, I have been hearing a lot about Blacks having “no more excuses,” because we now have a Black President. It has ranged from the innocent “now we have a role model,” as if we never had them before; to the thought that the “baby mama” culture has to end (I still haven’t met a single mother who wouldn’t prefer a partner, married or otherwise), or even the whacky idea that “OMG, now that Barack Obama is president, there is no more racism.” As you can see, these sorts of exclamations annoy me. I can totally see someone using Barack as a reason to get rid of affirmative action plans, or a reason to argue that there are no inherently “Black problems.” However, tonight is not about what I think! What do you guys think….

Are there any more

excuses?

P.S. If you attended the inauguration, feel free to describe your experience. This topic hit a few nerves, so if you want to read their full responses, email me!

READER COMMENTS

TheEyeOfHorus: The idea that there are no more excuses is completely ridiculous and appalling. I laugh every time I here all of that nonsense.

• Black Role Models: They have always existed and will continue to exist beyond the time of Barack Hussein Obama (BHO). We can't help who people choose to make their role models, but we do have the power to control how we are presented or who we present to our children… And then again with the multitude media access and the internet, a 5-year-old kid can find 50 Cent faster than he can find Alfred Edmunds Jr…

• "Baby Mama Culture”: ...This "culture" will never be subsided until the American Law system changes, social systems molded, institutions broken, and American culture itself learns to love and respect one another…

• No More Racism?: Racism will forever exist until the constructions designed to keep them alive are eradicated or changed (I mentioned them in number 2.) …Had BHO been from the southside of Chicago, was all African-American/black/dark/descendant of slaves maybe too?, went to Howard University… Racism is a social construction used for the control of the distribution of power… His focus is social and educational issues – let's learn to forget about racism and recognize social injustice.

• THE WORST! No More Excuses (for black people): Social Injustice will always ensure that there will be room for excuses, and so will ignorance… Especially since Affirmative Action helps out white women more than anyone else.

BHO will not make change until the people in America can change themselves – if we want all of these things to become reality, we ourselves have to believe in it and then MAKE it a reality, and act like American citizens and attack every infrastructure that wants to keep these things alive to keep all of our people separated and obliterated.

Anonymous: First of all, let me start by saying how excited I am that Barack Obama is our new president! Yes he is a black man, but in addition to that I definitely think that this country needs change and new direction in its leadership. I mean we always tell children that they can be whatever they want if they try hard enough. Even though I have always had high aspirations, I knew that some things may be more difficult because of my race and how I am perceived. But now, when I tell my niece that she can be whatever she wants, even the President, she has a real world example of someone with brown skin like hers who made it… Just because Barack Obama made it… does not mean that there are no excuses. There will always be circumstances out of one's control that effect their situation and individual success… Though I wish it weren't true, everyone will not succeed. But even without direct success, each individual attempt collectively progresses us as a people… While there may be excuses for not succeeding, there are no excuses for not trying.

CEO: Many people are inspired by Barack Obama's election. Some people see it as an ending point. It's more of a starting point. As Americans, this means that America has come far enough to look past a man's race and more on qualifications for the job. Given that, his election also means that there is a "new" beginning for African-Americans. There is a renewed pride in the ability of our race; specifically, African-American men who have been previously viewed as ignorant thugs, drug addicts, entertainers, or athletes… There is a lot of responsibility that has been placed in our hands… Right now, being smart is cool; Barack Obama is responsible for that… seeing Barack Obama become President shows that Blacks (Black men) can succeed on an intellectual level.

Currently, I still feel that I am racially profiled and negatively stereotyped despite the fact that I am a college educated, kind, intelligent Black man [STEPH SIDENOTE: HE REALLY IS!]. But now, I have renewed hope that can and will change IF we … strive to improve as a community and individually and know that we can achieve…

One of my biggest concerns is that people will feel entitled because of the election and put forth less effort because they can always say "My President is Black". I truly hope that this concern will not come to fruition… Hopefully, one day there will not be a need for Affirmative Action or similiar programs. But that day does not appear to be soon. It might never come if we don't seize this opportunity to become better individuals and a better people. The road to success is not easy. It takes work. I hope enough of us take that road instead of the easy route, which is fraught which complacency and comfort with the status-quo. I hope you all join me in the journey down the road of success.

JT: This notion that Obama will teach all the Negroes to be respectable is driving me nuts! Recently, I tuned into some foolish conversation on facebook about how Obama was going to inspire little Negro children to finally close the achievement gap. Much of this infuriating conversation hinged upon whether Obama, the mythic great black hope, could get neglectful parents and their unruly little bastard children to shed their 'culture of underachievement?' What the fuck does any of that mean? Neither 'parental neglect' nor 'a culture of underachievement' substantively answer for the major disparities in education, known as the 'achievement gap.'

How can social scientists even statistically group 'unfit parents' or a cultural group of 'underachievers?' Much like trite, problematic, and racist notions of a supposed culture of poverty and the mythical black underclass with welfare queen and hypersexual baby daddy to boot, 'underachiever' and unfit parent (in this racialized sense) are not statistically substantive or significant categories. Who identifies themselves or can be identified as an underachiever? …

Notably, these racist discourses place the proverbial ball in black folks court, rather than calling for changes in American political, economic, and social structures. So, Obama can help to fix the problems that Black Americans face if he starts to reconstruct the institutions that constitute and recreate white supremacy, not by teaching us all how to be respectable… Black America is in turmoil, but it's not disconnected from white supremacy, capitalism, and heteropatriarchy.

Donda: To say that there are no more excuses is jumping the gun. Yes we have reached a milestone but as Steph pointed out, we have reached them before… Obama is a great inspiration indeed and he has made history in more ways then one, but he didn’t get there overnight; we cant expect everything to change overnight either. We have to always remember his hardwork along with the many other pioneers and start the change within ourselves! Your are still your biggest excuse for not getting ahead.

J loves Word World (on PBS)

There is a world, where everything is made from words:

It's a PBS show that J loves. Characters and objects are actually made from the letters that spell them. So "Pig" is drawn from the letters P-I-G. When the characters start to "build-a-word" she rocks and sings. She even knows the theme music; when the show starts she'll crawl over toward the TV or sharply turn her head in that direction. If anyone knows where I can get cheap DVDs of this show, let me know!

Limbaugh is a Limp &%$!!! - Hopes Obama Fails

Okay, so it's rare I use that kind of language, but this audio clip from Rush Limbaugh got me a bit pissed. I'm sorry your ratings are down Rush, and your relevancy is fading, but did you have to take it this far?




Sanchez is dead on to say that hoping the President of our country fails is equivalent to hoping the country fails! Okay, so he's conservative and doesn't believe the government should be involved with private business, etc. etc. However, I think that wishing failure on our country's leader, no matter who he happens to be, is just downright foolish and a bit childish. What do you guys think?

THANKS MOM

I'm on this mailing list for Babycenter.com, and just this morning I received the latest newsletter listing some of the top articles on the site. One of them was "Signs of a bad babysitter." Most of the things are obvious and usually jump right out at you, like "your baby isn't happy to see the sitter," or your sitter is reluctant to reveal what the daily schedule is like, or hesitant to allow you to drop in sometime during the day.
When I read things like this I always have to take a moment to realize how blessed I am, because I have never had to deal with these problems. When I first went back to work full-time, I was able to find the best childcare provider in the world! Mrs. Pat is the owner of Little Blessings Daycare. I found her through the recommendation of friend, which happens to be one of the best ways to find a sitter. She was welcoming, warm, and reminded me of my own childcare provider growing up. She loved the fact that I would drop in every now and then if I got off work early, gave me advice on parenting and being a single mother, and really, truly, loved J. However, finances changed, and I was reluctant to let her go. I was ready to nearly get evicted before I let her go, because of the horror stories that exist due to malicious or just plain bad childcare providers.

Enter: MOM to the RESCUE!!!!

My mom stepped up to the plate, and has been J's childcare provider since she was about five months. I couldn't ask for a better situation. I know that my child is loved and well-provided for during her days at Gigi's. There are absolutely no worries about the "signs of a bad babysitter." She took good care of me, and she's taking great care of my daughter.

However, not all women are fortunate enough with the luck I had finding care for J. The best advice I could give would be to conduct interviews (if a provider does not want to grant you one, or only wants to do one over the phone...bad sign), and ask around at work and among your friends with small children.

'Cause she's a sexy young girl on a scholarship!!!

Okay, so I love this song by this upcoming Baltimore artist, Skarr Akbar. It's called "Scholarship Chick." The song has a nice beat, it's encouraging, and has a positive message without being corny. It does get a little raunchy with references to "brains" etc. (which is also quite cliche), but overall I'm feeling this song. What about you?

Night.Caps_18.01.09_Is he that into you?

On 2/6/09, He's Just Not that into You appears in theaters. Based on the bestselling relationship advice book by the same title, the movie and book give scenarios that demonstrate why a guy just might not be interested. The scenarios also show how women can sometimes be nearly oblivious to the fact that a guy might not be feeling her as seriously as she is feeling him. This may or may not have ever happened to you, but even if it hasn't, you could imagine how devastating it must be to realize that "You're just a friend," even if you are one of those, well, "beneficial" type of friends. My question to all of you is:

How do you know if a guy or girl is just not that into you?

My Comments: The point is if you really care. I think I can always tell if a guy is that into me, for many of the reasons explained below. In college, one could have a casual relationship and not really give a hoot, but now, for me at least, my perspective has done a complete 180. But of course, there's always that one person (mine was Freshman AKA 1^st year for all those Wahoos/Cavaliers out there). I was really into this guy…really into him, but he was "brand new to the game" let's say, and I was just getting over my high school sweetheart. I think it was probably hard for both of us to read the signals. In a funny way though, we've started chatting a bit lately….and who knows…have we matured enough, experienced enough to know if we are that into each other now. I sure hope so. The thing is that now, as a mom, and as a woman wanting a serious, committed relationship, I'm just not all that available to play the silly games. I feel that a lot of women in these scenarios (in the book/movie) are playing games with themselves. They aren't that stupid, yet they find comfort in a sort of pseudo idea of love. It reminds me of "If a lie gonna get me through/I'd rather not know the truth," kind of thing (shout out to Jazmine Sullivan). But whatever. See everyone's comments below:

Reader Comments

(Late) EyeOfHorus: It is never simple. It is always plagued by the person's personality. I have played all roles of this question. From the guy being pursued to the guy who is pursuing, to the friend of the pursuer to the friend of the person being pursued – and my deduction has always come across that you wont honestly know – until later on. The later on point is when someone comes to that standstill position and asks "Ok WTF? Are we or aren't we?" Because within this time of game/wordplay you'll find a few moves to action, but words nor actions mean anything in this part of life simply because even when the person is into you they will usually question themselves while questioning the person whether they are even interested (or every run around question as to not run them off – or ruin the friendship they think they have with the person.) However, here are a few key things: 1) Attention: a. if they tend to pay attention to little things, like your convo to who is writing on your facebook wall, these people are always the first to think of if they are into you. b. if they desire your time. Nothing says Im into you than wanting time. A good test is to call them to see if you can spend time with them. If they pick up to talk with you with excitement, and they actually do their best to fit you into whatever schedule they have; or if the person calls and etc – then you got a winner 2) The conversation: it always becomes a thing to know who you are. The person is trying to see if they really are into you, so questions tend to come out or topics (beyond sex and religion) come up. Remember, they are questioning themselves and you, so be careful for your answers, and your questions. 3) Interaction: When you are around that person, remember that body language is still the most important part of conversations, as well as being able to read their motives. So when you are around them and having these conversations, as well when you are with them and around others – flirting, closeness, eye-contact, smiles, the elongation of hugs, the number of times they try to be around you in a crowd full of friends, and maintaining the respect, manners, and responsibility of giving you attention – these all come into play as ways to find out if that person is into you. Taking all of these in mind do please remember that these can prove true for someone who is simply keeping playing games, but even they are into you.

Msbutiful: I don't know the real answer to that, but what I do know is that if he's that into you, he will tell you – Simple as that. It's so easy to get excited at the prospect of a new fling-- that fresh chemistry, new booty, etc – that we tend to over indulge ourselves and inflate situations according to our mood. Such as, if we're happy, then he's definitely your new man, or in the case that he disappoints you, you think it must mean there's got to be more drama to the story (i.e., a baby mama/ another girl/ or something in the closet etc.), not that it could be that he's just not that into you… JUST STOP! Live in the moment and you may pick up more signals that keep you in reality. Everybody has the power to dictate their relationships, but it has to correspond with who you are in order to stay consistent. When a guy says that he doesn't want a relationship, believe it! If you're not having that, then don't get lovey-dovey—but if you do, don't be surprised when you get PLAYED!

Bebe: Let's see, one Red Flag that a guy is not that into you (thus giving you reason to pump your brakes a bit) is if you begin to realize that you are the one who always initiates any outings/dates; this goes for telephone conversations as well. So, if he is not making any efforts to see/talk to you, face it: he's just not into you! One way to find out for sure: cut back on asking him to go out and calling him, sit back, and observe.

Charles Edward Obama (CEO): Honestly, you can never tell for certain. From my experience as a guy, there have been many times when I thought a girl was into me and I was wrong. There have also been times where I thought a girl was not that into me but was wrong too. I think this comes from one main reason: I feel that in a world where each sex play "games" with one another to court one another instead of being "real" about feelings makes it difficult to know for certain. One of the main reasons for all of this is because people have a fear of rejection about putting him or herself out there and finding out the other person doesn't feel the same way. The positive out of being a bit vulnerable and opening up about your feelings is that at least you know. I know for me this is something that I'm working on too, but the world would be better off if more people were upfront about their feelings. So, girls, if you are interested in a guy, tell him upfront, this is the era of the independent woman. Women don't have to be courted anymore. Surprisingly, it is attractive when a girl actually does put themselves out there (if she does it tastefully). And guys, don't be scared to say that you're feeling a girl.

Evolving Brutha: There are several factors that can let you know whether the person you have interest in has those same feelings for you. Body language tells a lot, at least in my experience. I have found myself believing a girl liked me based on our conversations and her ability to confide in me. However, at times that can mean absolutely nothing; she could very well just want you to become a very close friend whom she can count on. I am not going to say nothing is wrong with that, but it can be discouraging at times. Other factors are, she NEVER initiates eye contact with you, conversation slowly starts to fall off (most likely because she can sense you are starting to like her more than she actually likes you), she starts to call you her big brother, and the last but not least, she talks about other guys to you!

Donda: If a guy is into you there is no guessing!! He will find some way to talk to you and get your attention; It should require little to no effort on your part (meaning just a smile from u will do; there are even guys who don't need u to notice or acknowledge them until they comes over to introduce themselves). When he wants u, whether y'all are long-time friends or just meeting each other, he will find a way to come around. If he is shy, he might have a more laid back approach but HE will STILL be the one who suggests hanging out (and HE will ask you for your number, you don't have to offer it). It really isn't rocket science. If women just pay attention to their intuition they will KNOW if a guy is feeling them just by looking into his eyes...you can't lie to yourself, you have that feeling deep down inside that lets you know if you are making excuses for him simply because you really like him. But remember, you can't make a man do anything--and that includes persuading him to see the light, the light that will make him "realize" he likes u...men r not that complicated! And yes, this is ALL from experience! :) Oh and listen to/pay attention to your girlfriends: if you are talking your friends' heads off about a guy and they act like they don't hear you or seem disinterested, it's because they are tired of you embarrassing yourself! They want to you stop wasting your time and precious energy on a guy that is just not that into you! ;) Your friends want the best guy for you because they love you and know you deserve the very best!

Helen Thomas and the Whitehouse

I'm watching Thank You Mr. President: Helen Thomas at the Whitehouse on HBO. This woman is going on my list of most valuable people (MVP). Although I no longer want to be a reporter, I still do admire the boldness it takes to be a good journalist and interviewer (keyword: good). Thomas's gumption to ask the hard questions, even during her early years when she was often the only woman at a white house press conference should inspire all news reporters. In a way, journalists are often our only way to KNOW what's going on.

One of Obama's goals is to make Washington more accessible, or again accessible, to all of us. I believe that his claim is genuine, and I would love to see him be a part of public forums and news conferences throughout his term as President. Still, I hope that we can take a little from Thomas, and always ask those hard questions.

Read Helen Thomas' latest column:
http://www.thebostonchannel.com/helenthomas/18481285/detail.html

Night.Cap

I'm going to start a weekly post about things I read, heard about, experienced, etc., and allow YOU to comment. I will be sending these out to my closest friends, and anyone who starts to "Follow" the blog.

So, if you would like to share a Night.Cap with me, start following my blog or shoot me an email to get added to the list. I will send the Night.Caps out on Sunday, starting tonight, and they will be published sometime Monday.

Thanks for reading, I would love to share a Night.Cap with you....

Spring 2009 Classes

Classes I'm taking this srping:

JOUR 202 - Editing for Mass Media
NSCI 100 - Intro to Physcial Science (my last science requirement, yeah!)
SPCH 482 - Intercultural Communications*

*This class is a five-week intensive course. I'll be in class from 6:30-9:30 on Fridays and 9:00-4:30 on Saturdays...fun right?

I'm going Full-time to get this over and done with come this Fall...my social life, will be done.

"HELLO BALTIMORE" - Barack Obama comes to "Baldamore"

(Photo Courtesy of BaltimoreSun.com)
Although I couldn't make it down to Obama's speech downtown at the War Memorial Building Plaza, I did enjoy watching it with my family and sipping slowly on a cup of coffee and just discussing Obama's journey up to this point. I remember when Obama first started his campaign; my grandmother had so much doubt. However, I could always tell that she was pulling for him in her own way. You see, my grandmother's memory has begun to fade, and she short-term memory basically doesn't exist. However, my grandmother could always remember who Obama was when he appeared on television.

I would ask, "Mommas, who's running for president?" "Obama," she would answer. Or I would ask, "Mommas, who's that man on the television and what is he doing?" "Oh Steph you know that's Obama. He's trying to be president right?" she would answer.

Come election day this past fall, it was very difficult to even get her out the door. She didn't feel like it, she was tired, and blunty proclaimed "The Nigga ain't gonna win anyway," but again, I knew that she still held on to a small piece of hope for him; eventually she began to get dressed. I comed her hair as she held J, the youngest of her great-grandchildren, and asked her if she really thought he couldn't win. She only shrugged and tickled J's neck. My grandmother is not very emotional, so I wasn't expecting to get much out her. I wanted her to talk about how much the world has changed since the first time she voted. I wanted her to be as excited as I was about voting that day, to be as proud as I was.

Well, that day, this past fall, I shuttered her out the door and into my little Yaris and we drove down to the fire station so that she and my mother could vote. I had already stood in a line to vote for about 2.5 hours earlier that morning. However, in my grandmother's small community, we went right into the polling facility, I assisted my grandmother, and she voted. Although she never talked much about it, I remember going home later that day and called her sister, Aunt Marg (pronouced "Mawg"). She asked her if she had voted, and told her that she "Of course I voted for Obama!" That small exclamation was enough to let me know that she was indeed gitty as I was about the entire election.
Later that evening, after he had won, I woke her and said "He won Mommas."
"What? Who is this? Stephanie?" she asked.
"Yes it's me."
"Girl do you know how late it is?"
"He won mommas; he won!" I shouted, probably too loudly. "Barack Obama, he's going to be the President."
"What?" She whispered, and then there was a brief moment of silence.
"Mommas?"
"Oh my God," she said, and hung up the phone.
I don't know what she did after that, and in my mind I picture her sitting on the edge of her bed, in a well-worn cotton night gown thinking. She may have turned on the news, or simply have laid back down and eventually fell asleep. The next day, I had to keep reminding her that he had won, but as soon as the news was "transferred" to her long-term memory she would always smile when his face flashed on that screen and say "He won, didn't he?"
"Yes Mommas, he did. He's our next President."
"He sure does have a pleasant face."



Thanks for stopping through Baltimore more President-elect Obama!!! Read more about Obama's historic Whistle-stop Tour at Cnn.com.

Fat Ass :o)

Okay...so this is what my Mom and I say to each other whenever we do something...well "fat." It's both loving, funny, and to others who aren't familiar with our special type of love, probably a bit sad. For example, I cooked dinner for the three of us (J would be the third person) a few nights ago; instead of having a taste for what I just slaved over, I sat down in front of the tube and proceeded to make love with a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream (my fav). "FAT ASS!" rang out from the dinner table, and all I did was hope that those wouldn't be J's first words. I smiled and continued to eat my ice cream. What did my Mom have for dessert that night? Well....B&J's Chunky Monkey (her fav). FAT ASS!!!

The point to all this is that our affection exclamation of "FAT ASS!" is all too true. Although I find a perverse comfort in my round tummy -- I jiggle it, and stroke it, and flash it at J to make her giggle; although thunder thighs have always been a symbol of my family's genetics; my FAT ASS has got to go!

I became a member of Bally Total Fitness club about two months ago, and I have gone there all of two times since then, including my visit last night. I know I need to loose weight, even if it's just to make it easier carrying a sleeping J up 4 flights of stairs every night when we go home. However, I didn't think that garnering the motivation to eat better and exercise more often would be like hunting flies with a bow and arrow. I've arranged two days a week for J's other grandmother, MiMi, to pick her up from my Mom's so that I can work out after work, and I'm going to try to fit a longer workout in on Sunday mornings. I'm eating a bit better, starting with small things, like less juice/soda and more water. I'm buying more fresh food, and I cook more at home (even if that is out of necessity to stick to a very defined, small budget).

Anyhoo, my goal is to loose 17 by J's first birthday in March, and 25 by a month later -- my birthday, in April. Think I can do it?

Any tips and words of encouragement are needed and appreciated. Also, if you want a gym partner and live near the Bally's on Route 40 in Baltimore (click on title of post), then let me know, because I could sure use the extra accountability.

ME about two years ago:




ME now:

Your Next Production/Editorial Assistant

STEPHANIE M. HENDERSON 4015 Springdale Avenue, Apt. 3, Baltimore, MD 21207 (443) 928-1344 (ph) (443) 451-8225 (fx) stephaniem.henderson@gmail.com
OBJECTIVE
Publishing and editorial professional seeking a position in a scholarly environment that would not only utilize her current skills, but enhance them through education and experience in communications, publishing, and print media.
SKILLS
Possesses a strong attention to detail and ability to meet deadlines in a fast-paced environment Builds and maintains efficient and clear communication Ability to adhere to strict, proprietary publication style guidelines; knowledge and experience with AMA, Chicago, and AP styles Over 5 years experience working with both PC and Macintosh platforms Desktop Publishing Software: Adobe Creative Suite 3 General Office Software: Microsoft Office 2003 & 2007; database maintenance
EMPLOYMENT
Jul 2009–Present Aug 2007–Feb 2008 Aug 2005–Aug 2007	Editorial Assistant
	Lippincott Williams & Wilkins (Wolters Kluwer, Health), Baltimore, MD Assist with the production management of medical journal, Neurosurgery: Proofread; prepare articles for production; manage issues by tracking articles and creating and managing issue summary spreadsheets; maintain and compose correspondence between authors, editorial office, and publisher; apply editorial and author corrections; create a variety of issue/journal reports.
	Full-Time Teller Branch Banking & Trust (BB&T), Charlottesville, VA Conducted day-to-day banking transactions for clients at teller line; marketed and closed sales for retail bank products and services; maintained security communications among tellers.
	Library Assistant University of Virginia Library, Charlottesville, VA Assisted circulation desk management at Clemons and Brown Science & Engineering libraries; organized and circulated books; conducted initial research inquiries for patrons.
Sept 2006–Dec 2006	Assistant to Director of Development
	UVa Bayly Art Museum, Charlottesville, VA Managed the development and director’s schedules; assisted office with daily clerical duties; implemented annual trustee meeting and development fundraising events with the help of office staff.
EDUCATION
BS Candidate: Communications University of Maryland, University College Degree expected, Fall 2009
English University of Virginia August 2004–December 2007
Awards · Batipps Memorial Literary Prize, 2006 · Thomas N. Ryan Scholarship, 2005 · Guinee Family Scholarship, Walter N. Ridley Scholar (UVa), 2004–2008